Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Up All Night

Just like the Slaughter band's song, Hudson is up all night, sleep all day. Each night for the last few he has stayed awake longer and longer. Last night it was until around 4 am. He will act like he is starved so I will feed him, Craig feeds him, he should NOT be hungry. But he does fall asleep while being fed. But as soon as we try to lay him down so we can go to bed he will scream up a storm.

They say this is normal -- babies not knowing morning from evening. And it wouldn't be so bad if he didn't scream like he hadn't eaten for weeks. But he does. It's hard to handle! Today is new comic book day at our comic book store, so I tried to let Craig sleep while I dealt with Hudson. But by 2 am I was really exhausted and just didn't know what to do. I left Hudson lying in the Pack N Play, and of course he was crying. So was I. Craig got up and found me curled up on the couch crying. He did take up a shift and let me get a couple of hours of sleep. But eventually he had to go to bed, so he woke me up to continue baby duty.

Today I'm trying to keep him awake more during the day - although he is objecting to that too with more screaming. And we will give him a bath before bed. Hopefully these things will help him sleep a little tonight.

My sister said her baby did this kind of behavior until he was 11 weeks old. That's NUTS. I will be a zombie by then, especially since I have to go back to work after week 8, and I start my shift at 6 am.

Everyone says sleep when he does - but every time I move him to the bedroom he wakes up and starts his screaming again. This happened yesterday and again today. I'm quite sure his goal in life is to keep me up. That's why my water broke at 3 am.

I am going to buy the Harvy Karp Happiest Baby DVD. It's supposed to be GREAT - our labor/delivery teacher recommended it and the hospital where I had Hudson had it in their display case in the labor and delivery area. It can't hurt, right? Amazon.com - here I come.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Thought There'd Be More Flowers

Early this year I was promoted at work, a job that gave me a nice pay raise but more hours. There was talk that I was a promising employee, and could continue to move up in the company, having worked for them for less than a year before the promotion was given. Craig an I planned to take a trip or two - the store was OK and with my pay increase we could finally afford some time away.

Then I found out on February 27th that I was about 9 weeks pregnant. We hadn't planned to have children, so Craig and I found ourselves wondering how we'd manage this unexpected change. There was a lot of discussion about how children change your life, and not necessarily for the better. We told family and they were shocked and excited, and life moved on, for a week. Then on March 6th I was forced to resign from my job due to an error I had made 7 weeks earlier not realizing it was an error. Even though the error didn't cause the customer or the business any loss whatsoever, I was told that the policy is the policy and I could resign or be fired. If I resigned I could be rehired, if I was fired I could never come back. I was devastated - a pregnant mom without a job and the health insurance benefits it provided. I had not even had a chance to tell my co-workers about the baby and I had to pack my desk up and leave. I shed many tears, overwhelmed and disappointed.

After a few weeks I was hired on in a different position at that same company, but had a SIGNIFICANT pay cut. But I got to keep my health insurance so it seemed like a good move. We struggled, adjusting to the lower pay, figuring out what else we could cut, having already cut back on many things and living pretty basic. But we were going to have a baby, people told us it would be great, and we just had to figure out how to make it work. We needed so much: baby furniture, new flooring, a couch. How could we get them and not get deeper into debit? Our car needed new tires (still does, in fact) and a belt, and somehow we had to figure out how to pay our bills and get these things in place before our baby was born, on my reduced pay and Craig trying to sell comics in a struggling economy. There was a lot of stress. I tried to keep a positive attitude and outlook, and most people thought I was amazingly happy and positive for being pregnant. But I went home many days and cried alone, wondering how we'd gotten ourselves into this and how we'd ever get out.

My doctor realized that I was of the "high risk" age and we discussed extra tests and exams that I should consider to see if our baby looked good or if he might be born with Downs Syndrome or something even worse. After some blood tests and ultra sounds we now knew we were having a boy, and that he appeared not to have those mental development issues. However, when it came time for the blood sugar tests we didn't do as well. We found that I had gestational diabetes and had to start a diet plan. That didn't help us improve as much as the doctor required, so I had to go on glyburide - an insulin pill. That pill required us to visit the OB's office twice a week to do a non-stress test on the infant to make sure that the pill wasn't causing him too much stress and that his heart was functioning well. The pill didn't help, and I became more and more frustrated. Eventually we saw some improvement in sugars, but they were easily upset, and foced me to prepare ALL food I ate myself. The doctor made me feel guilty when my sugars were too high, and when I lost weight following their plan, and being pregnant became a chore.

The day our baby entered week 36 my water broke and the clock began ticking for him to come out. He was less than the ideal 37 week age, and we were, of course, worried about this. Nurses at the hospital tried to reassure us, telling us that most babies born at 36 weeks are fine. My labor wouldn't progress, even with a hefty IV drip of induction medication, and we almost lost the baby a couple of times. I cried, Craig cried, our family cried. This was not the way this was supposed to go. We were going to see a movie that weekend, to finish getting the baby's room ready - there was supposed to be time but it was gone. And the labor was supposed to be natural, a struggle but successful - instead we had to be read the cesarian section disclosures, monitored internally for hours, and rushed to an operating room.

But the baby DID come. And he was evaluated and we were told he was good - no need for him to go to the NICU, he could be with us. We slept little that night, interrupted frequently by doctors and nurses and that baby's constant gurgling and wining. That next day Craig looked terrible, pale and tired and he seemed irritable and out of it, all while trying to be supportive and happy. I sent him home to nap and tried to spend quality time with Hudson, our new baby. My eyes would become heavy and I could hardly keep them open. My arms would become tired and I'd have to call a nurse to take him, as I could not yet walk much after the c-section. We could not get him to breast feed, or really eat much of anything. Family came to see him. A pediatrician came to see him. All gave him a clean bill of health. Yet he still didn't want to eat. I worried to myself, and blamed myself for having flat nipples and a c-section.

That evening Craig went home to sleep and I was all alone in the hospital room, having asked the nurse to take the baby and just let me know when it was feeding time so that we could continue the challenge of getting him to eat. I slept little, being checked often by medical staff and trying to sleep in a strange place on a less-than-comfortable bed. At 2:45 am the nurse called me, informing me that Hudson still wasn't eating and that she was concerned, but would try to get him to eat there instead of brining him to the room, and that she wanted someone to check him again as he seemed to be breathing a bit heavy. I stayed in bed, tired and out of sorts, instead of going to see him. Then an hour later the nurse called again to tell me that my little boy had been admitted to the NICU because he was having trouble breathing. Fear and guilt washed over me, and I cried. She asked if she could take me down to see him, but I didn't want to go without family, so I made the calls and soon Craig and my mom were there. I cried the whole time, alone in my room, waiting for them. I could barely explain to them what I'd been told, as I was sobbing so.

We went together down to the NICU and saw Hudson and the doctor explained what had happened. I continued to cry, seeing my small boy with IV's and monitors, being kept in a plastic case. The doctor was optimistic, we just needed to be patient and let our infant work it out, but the alarms on the monitors did not make us feel calm. I cried on and off that day.

On the third day of my stay the on-call doctor from my OB's practice came by to have me released from the hospital. I technically could stay another day, but was doing well, walking on my own with minimal pain, and really should be working on recouperating outside of the hospital walls. I refused to go. As long as my baby was there in the NICU I wanted to be there. I'd been pumping breast milk for him and could bring it down fresh in time for his feedings, as they were finally trying to get him to eat again in the hope of taking him off of the IV in another day or so. The doctor recommended against it, urging me to go home, but I would not. In fact I stayed even after that next day - the hospital allows NICU parents to have a free room, as long as one is available, while their child is admitted. I spent a week in the Mom/Baby ward, watching moms and their new babies come and go, seeing flowers and balloons being delivered at all hours. Hearing healthy babies cry out to be fed as I walked my pumped breast milk to the NICU for Hudson. All the while I was in my room, often alone, praying my baby would get well soon and occasionally crying.

Hudson began to improve and we thought he'd go home on Thursday. Craig made plans, we, finally excited for the first time since the baby was delivered, told family and hospital staff the great news--Hudson was going home Thursday. Then Thursday morning the doctor called and informed us that he was staying another day or two, as he was developing jaundice and they wanted him to be treated for that before leaving. Our plans were changed, and my spirit again was dimmed. I cried, tired of being in the NICU, upset that we'd made plans only to have them ruined, and just wanting to return home with my new baby.

Finally Friday we took our baby home and began our new lives together. We got little sleep as he needed to be fed and he had trouble adapting to his new environment that first night. I cried, not knowing why he was so upset and wondering how we could get him to calm down and sleep without holding him. My eyes would barely stay open and I was sure I'd fall asleep and drop him. Finally we figured it out, and I got a few hours of sleep.

On Monday he woke up but wouldn't eat for over 5 hours. Panic again set in and I cried, frustrated that something was wrong with him. Craig called the doctor and we went in. She assured us that babies just do these things as they adjust and that he seemed perfect. That night he slept little, wanting to be fed every 15 minutes. I was sure I had no milk left after 3 hours of this, and was exhausted. Craig got up and I gave in, letting the baby be fed formula, feeling like I was once again incapable of properly caring for a baby.

It was payday and our mortgage payment comes out automatically that day as well. But when we looked online I had only been paid $120 and the mortgage was coming out. Craig had to quickly transfer money from the financially struggling business to our personal account to make sure the mortgage was covered. I made calls to my employeer as well as to the company that covers our short term disability to find out when I'd get my maternity leave pay. After nearly a a week I was informed that I would, in fact, NOT be getting pay. While other benefits stayed in place during the short time I was not employeed with the company, the pay benefit for maternity leave was reset, and I would not qualify for paid leave until 11/1/09 - right AFTER my 8 weeks of leave would end. When I had checked with the company 5 months before I was assured I would get pay, but now I was being told differently. Craig spoke to a lawyer who informed him that by the time it would be setteled the pay I wanted woul be eaten up by legal fees. Our financial situation went from bad to worse, and I looked into a hardship withdrawl from my company 401K, but was told that my situation didn't qualify - only if I was unable to pay the mortgage and had a forclosure letter or if I had no insurance and unpaid medical bills or if I was going to return to school or had a death in the family could I qualify. I had none of those, so my last ditch desperate move, my plan B, was now gone too. And again I cried.

What was supposed to be a happy time was filled with tears. More tears than I've cried in a long time. None of this was supposed to happen. Where was the joy? The celebration? Why did my heart ache and my head hurt and my eyes burn from crying? How could this be a happy time when it's been filled with so much struggle and disapointment? What had we done to deserve this? Where was our chance to live and be happy? Why couldn't just one thing in our lives come easily, without struggle and stress? Why weren't there more flowers?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Hudson Is In the House

We have our little baby out of the womb and in our arms. He was born 9/4 at 7:30 pm weighing 6 pounds 3 ounces and a tall 19 and 3/4 inches.

At just a bit before 3 am I woke up, feeling unexpectedly awake and noticing that I felt wet between my legs. I got up, thinking I had to pee, but when I did get up fluid came out from between my legs even faster - and I knew I had not drunk that much water the night before. I went to the bathroom and after what seemed like several minutes of fluid coming out I tried to stand up, thinking it had passed, but it had not. A bit after that I got up, fearing my water had broken, and awoke Craig. He got up to use the bathroom, but I ran in front of him as another wave of fluid came out. He did get up then, but laid back down after. I was shocked, explaining to him again that my water broke. He said, "we have 24 hours, you want me to get up?" I told him that yes, we are supposed to let the doctor know ASAP if the water breaks, and I was pretty sure by now that this is what was going on. He got up, took a shower, and shaved. I packed my hospital bag - which I hadn't finished yet because I thought we had a couple more weeks. Then I took a shower myself.

At about 4 am I called Columbia St. Mary's and reported my suspicion to them. Within 10 minutes the on call doctor for labor and delivery called me back, instructing me to go to the hospital and have them check to see if, in fact, my bags of water had broken. We arrived there at about 4:30 am and I was made to change into one of those horrible hospital gowns. A nurse came in and swabbed me to see if it was my water, and the test strip quickly turned a dark blue, indicating my fears were correct and we'd be parents within 24 hours. I was hooked up to the monitors and we confirmed a good heart beat for the baby and contractions for me, but I wasn't feeling them yet. Some medical person confirmed I was only 1 centimeter dilated - so not much was happening yet.

A couple of hours later my OB came in to check and found me to STILL be only the 1 centimeter. I was put on an IV drip to induce labor, and given portable monitors so I could walk around a bit. The hospital is small and the walk got old pretty quickly. Then a nurse found me, telling me that the monitor was no longer picking me up, so we had to go back to the bed. By this time they had nearly tripled the dose of drug they were giving me to induce, and I was starting to feel contractions.




Nurses asked me several times how close the contractions were, and I wasn't timing--they were monitoring me, so why did I need to. In bed Craig started to time them, and we noticed that the contractions were close, some within a minute of the one before.

Suddenly an alarm sounded and a nurse rushed in, asking me to roll onto my left side, then the right, then on all fours. She called and several other medical professionals came running in, quickly probing me as one read me the required disclosures for cesarean sections. I was given oxygen and my OB was alerted. Then as quickly as it had begun the emergency appeared to be over and most of the staff left, with a nurse and my OB remaining. I had no idea what happened, looked at my mom and Craig and saw panic in their eyes and suddenly began to cry. My OB then explained that the baby's heart rate had dropped but he was stable again. They put an internal monitor on us, kept me on oxygen, turned off the induction med, had me stay on my side, and left.

After a couple of hours it seemed that my contractions had slowed way down again and were not as intense. The doctor decided that we had to start up the induction IV drug again, but at a very low dose. We did that and a couple of hours later I was feeling the contractions and the doctor had confirmed that they were good and strong. However he was disappointed because my unripe cervix was only dilated to 3 centimeters. I told him I was getting fatigued from the contractions and was finally ready for an epidural. He said it could help or slow labor - no guarantee either way, but he'd let the staff know to get the anesthesiologist over ASAP. Shortly after she came and began to administer the epidural. It worked and we thought we'd settle in for the long haul. The nurse kicked up the induction IV a bit more and took the oxygen mask off.

Only minutes after that the baby's heart rate plummeted again and they had me move around, put the oxygen back on, and the medical staff came running in, again giving me the disclosures for the c-section. This time he continued to have slow heart rhythm and I was rushed to an operating room where they began to prep me for an emergency c-section. Moments after we arrived the baby stabilized again and the medical staff called my OB to find out what he thought - do we do the c-section anyway or take me back to a labor and delivery room. Craig was nowhere to be seen, and someone in the room mentioned to another that "the father had an episode" and was given some juice and was taking a second to recuperate. I thought Craig had nearly fainted - turned out he panicked like I had the first time. But he did come in shortly after, sitting my my head and talking to me.

My OB arrived and after a conversation we decided that it would be best to go ahead with the c-section while the baby was stable, rather than risking him going into disress again up in labor and delivery, especially since I was still not even 4 centimeters dialated after 14 hours. The epidural drug was kicked up and I began shaking uncontrolably - but was assured that this was quite normal. I didn't feel a thing as they told me the incision was being made. I didn't feel a thing as they announced my baby was out, and I saw him at the warming table. He was checked over and after a positive review he was given to his daddy, who showed him to me. After a bit daddy left as I was stiched up and given another drug to help the shaking stop. I even fell asleep for a short time, yet it felt like it took an eternity to be sewn back up. But eventually I did make it into a recovery room where my mom and sister were waiting. They brought in Craig and the baby so I could see him again, and then we were all taken up to the mom/baby ward for recovery and bonding.

Craig tried to sleep on the horrible sleeper couch they had in the room, but it was not made for tall men and he was horribly uncomfortable. We had Hudson in the room, but he seemed restless and winey. They also came in the room every couple of hours to check on me, making me stand at 3 am and walk by 6 am. About half way through the night we had them take Hudson to the nursery, as we couldn't sleep and he seemed uninterested in eating.

Saturday Craig went home to get in a nap and shower and I spent time bonding with Hudson, being checked out by medical staff, and trying to get the boy to eat. Family came to visit Saturday as well. Saturday evening Craig went home, since he could not sleep on the hospital sleeper, and I was alone with Hudson. I asked the nurse to take him and then wake me to feed him. She called at 2:45 am to tell me that he still wasn't eating, and that she was going to have someone check him out, as he seemed to be distressed. An hour later she called again, telling me he was having trouble breathing and was taken to the NICU. I panicked and cried again, calling Craig and my mom and having them come to the hospital. Once they arrived we went down to the NICU to see what was going on.

A doctor explained that he had pneumothorax, common among premie babies, and that he would have to spend a few days there while the condition resolved itself. My poor baby was hooked up to IV's and oxygen and monitors and his father and I watched as the monitors beeped and we both had tears in our eyes again. The first day was bad and they had to increase his oxygen, but then he began to improve the next day, and eventually was taken off of the oxygen. Next he got to be off of the IV. We were told he'd be able to go home Friday, then it was upgraded to Thursday, and Craig changed his plans for the day so we could take our boy home. However that morning the doctor called to inform me that Hudson's Biliruben level was too high (jaundice) and they were going to treat that while he was there, and hopefully he'd be able to go home Friday. Again I cried, frustrated that we'd gotten our hopes up and that Craig changed his schedule, but we'd be spending another day waiting it out at the hospital and NICU.

Friday came, and they did let us take our dear baby home.It was the longest and most stressful week of my life. I cried a lot, and smiled a lot, depending upon the moment. Everyone at the hospital was very supportive, as was my family. My mom spent every night after the NICU admission sleeping on that horrible hospital sleeper so that I wouldn't be alone like I was the night they called me to tell me he wasn't breathing and had to be taken to the NICU. I healed quickly physically, never being taken anywhere in a wheel chair except when Craig took me outside on Sunday. My pain was tolerable and my mood improved when I went off of the narcotics and onto just Tylenol for pain management (I don't do well on narcotic pain killers).

Today we have our baby with us. His pediatrician says he's perfect. He is eating well, although he has suddenly decided that he likes to stay up all night and sleep all day. It's hard to believe we're someone's parents!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Diapering




The other night we decided to order some cloth diapers. A friend gave us cash specifically for them, and they had a buy 6, get 1 free special that I couldn't pass up.

Here's what we got: the BumGenius 3.0 one size. They are an expensive disposable, but very highly rated and recommended.

I also discovered Coolababy diapers - snap closure one-size diapers in great colors. I have only seen them on eBay and believe they are imports from somewhere like Hong Kong. But they are very affordable. Trying to find some people who have tried them to know if they are any good. If so, I'll try some of those too.

We do have some disposable diapers too - so if we just don't have good luck with the cloth there is the back up plan. But I really do like the cloth, they should save us money in the long run.

If you have any recommendations for quality cloth diaper retailers, and/or good brands to invest in, let me know!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Welcome!

Let me first explain, for those of you who don't speak Polish, what the name of the blog is.

I'm Lisa Lopacinski, and my husband is Craig Lopacinski. Together we are having a Lopacinski baby - coming sometime this month. Because "baby" is commonly used for blogs I decided to be creative and draw on his Polish heritage. Dziecko is the Polish word for baby.

So there you go - Life of Lopacinski Baby is born, just before the baby himself.