I know you want to help. I understand you want to see the baby. But we are new parents, getting used to all the adventures of having a baby. And the baby is new to the world and has little tolerance for many things, including you.
So, please don't...
1. visit without asking. Stopping by is NOT allowed. Most of the time mommy is in her pajamas, unshowered, and very possibly has at least one breast exposed. Mommy may be sleeping or trying to quiet the baby. Your visit, while well intentioned, is annoying. We may not even answer the door, either because mommy's hands are full, she's sleeping, or we just don't have the patience to deal with you.
2. visit without verifying first. Yes, even if you DO have an appointment to visit, call before you leave to make sure we're still OK for your visit. There's a chance the little baby is ill, or mommy has been up all night and simply cannot tolerate a visitor.
3. visit right after you've been somewhere known to be a "bio hazard." These include the doctor's office, public transit or airplane, children's school or day care, or any other place where you know you have come into contact with people who are likely to have the flu.
4. invite us over or visit expecting it to last longer than an hour. Again, mommy is tired, baby is tired and possibly hungry. We're trying to figure each other out and while we enjoy seeing family and friends we just don't have the tolerance for long visits. An hour, two at the most, is more than enough for right now.
5. tell us that you never get the flu so you are not getting a flu shot, and then expect to see the baby. You get the flu shot to protect the baby - he's the one who might not survive it, not you. Get over yourself or don't expect to see him until summer.
6. complain that the whole time you were babysitting he slept. That's WONDERFUL news to mommy and daddy, and to you though you may not yet realize it. You stay up for 20 hours straight with a baby who refuses to sleep in bed for longer than 5 minutes and then tell me how you feel when the baby sleeps for a couple of hours straight.
7. ask to bring your friends over to see the baby. First, we don't know this friend and if he or she is sick or works with sick people and we don't want to make the baby ill. Second, our house is probably not clean and we may not feel comfortable having strangers look at the dirty dishes in our sink and mommy unwashed in her pajamas. This will cause mommy and daddy stress because they will have to try to clean the house or have the guest see the house messy and feel guilty about it. After the baby is 6 months old and has a bit of an immune system working and is more interesting besides, feel free to invite us over to meet your friend. Then you can worry about cleaning your own house. But again, don't expect us to stay more than a couple of hours.
8. assume we don't know what we're doing. We will ask for advice when we need it. Every baby is different and every family too. While we might seem lost at times we WILL figure it out, if we haven't already.
9. decide you are not going to follow our rules if you are watching the baby. If we're using cloth diapers don't decide to buy boxes of disposables. If we have bed time, feeding amount, or other routine established PLEASE don't decide to do it your way. You can have your own kids if you want that (or you have already). We do what works for us - not you.
10. forget that the first couple years of a child's life are hard for parents - especially new ones. There is so much to learn and experience, both good and bad. Please don't assume you know what we are going through. Don't demand too much from us. Don't get angry when we ask you to leave or help or get a flu shot or tell you that you can't or must. If we look tired or stressed we probably are. If we ask for help we need it, if we don't we probably don't want you to bother us.
